I don’t like to brag, but I am really, really good at taking a perfectly healthy food and turning it into something dreadfully fattening and not the least bit good for you. Sure, I eat kale, but I sauté it in butter. Quinoa with black beans? Love it! Smothered in cheese and sour cream. Green tea? Absolutely. Hand me the honey.
I can walk into a health food store and within minutes sniff out the one thing that probably shouldn’t be in a health food store. Healthy food? Not so fast.
Case in point: Today I went to my favorite local health food store for oranges, apples, kale, and coconut oil. But I accidently bought Dark Fudge Sea Salt Carmel Drizzle popcorn. At the checkout stand I got behind one of those people. You know, the ones who would rather eat razor blades than sugar. She took inventory of my cart and sadly shook her head.
If any of the following foods are considered fruits or vegetables, I am a total rock star at eating healthy:
the aforementioned popcorn
banana chocolate chip muffin
zucchini bread
carrot cake,
apple fritters
peach schnapps (kidding)
Being a vegetarian for me means not eating creatures. But unless cookie dough is a health food, I could maybe use a little work on my diet. I wonder if I could check myself in to the Betty Crocker clinic to try to get clean.
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