Sunday, May 24, 2015

Voila! Something Bad For You!


I don’t like to brag, but I am really, really good at taking a perfectly healthy food and turning it into something dreadfully fattening and not the least bit good for you.  Sure, I eat kale, but I sauté it in butter.  Quinoa with black beans?  Love it!  Smothered in cheese and sour cream.  Green tea?  Absolutely.  Hand me the honey. 
I can walk into a health food store and within minutes sniff out the one thing that probably shouldn’t be in a health food store.  Healthy food?  Not so fast.
Case in point:  Today I went to my favorite local health food store for oranges, apples, kale, and coconut oil.  But I accidently bought Dark Fudge Sea Salt Carmel Drizzle popcorn.  At the checkout stand I got behind one of those people.  You know, the ones who would rather eat razor blades than sugar.  She took inventory of my cart and sadly shook her head.  
If any of the following foods are considered fruits or vegetables, I am a total rock star at eating healthy: 
the aforementioned popcorn
banana chocolate chip muffin
zucchini bread
carrot cake,
apple fritters
peach schnapps (kidding)

Being a vegetarian for me means not eating creatures.  But unless cookie dough is a health food, I could maybe use a little work on my diet.  I wonder if I could check myself in to the Betty Crocker clinic to try to get clean. 

Saturday, May 9, 2015

You Rock! (or…Happy Erf Day!)

(In honor of Earth Day a few weeks ago)


When my nephew was three, he came home from Sunday school with a cattywampus, semi-crushed circle drawn on a piece of orange construction paper.  “God made the erf!” he said, so full of excitement he could hardly stand it.  Unfortunately, he’s a bit older now and can say all his words perfectly.  I really miss his three-year-old take on the world.

When did we stop being excited about the erf?  This spinning ball of mystery and secrets?  This third rock that rotates around a sun that is one of billions of suns, in a galaxy that is one of billions of galaxies, in a universe that may (or not) be one of many universes?

We can’t make this stuff up!  It’s amazing!  Did you know:

Only 14% of the earth’s species have been identified.  (Exactly how do we know that if the other ones haven’t been identified?  How can we know how many things there are that we don’t know about?)

106 billion people have existed on the earth.  (Take that, Facebook!)

While you go nonchalantly about your day, you’re spinning through space at around 1,000 miles per hour (unless you’re visiting Santa at the North Pole).

Feeling stiff in the joints after your hike?  The earth is 4.54 billion years old, and you don’t hear the old girl complaining.

The sun weighs 333,000 times as much as the earth.

Only 11% of the earth’s surface is used to grow food.

Over 90% of our oceans are as yet unexplored.  Can you say Loch Ness Monster?

The core of earth is hotter than the surface of the sun.

Go home and tell this stuff to your kids, or let them tell you.  The erf rocks!